"The Loving Story"

The Loving Story, 2011

Dir.: Nancy Buirski

Prod.: Nancy Buirski, Elisabeth Halivand James

Exec Prod.: Sheila Nevins

In case you've been living under a rock for the past few weeks, section three of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was deemed "unconstitutional" at the end of June. What does that mean? It means that same-sex partners who were married in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage are now legally recognized as "spouses" and can now receive spousal benefits - like health care and insurance benefits - like everyone else in this goddamn country. It means that in the eyes of the government, same-sex and heterosexual marriages are one in the same. 

DOMA was signed by President Clinton in 1996. It effectively barred same-sex couples who were married in states that recognized same-sex marriages from receiving spousal benefits. Let me repeat that: 1996. That was only seventeen years ago, people. 

Now that DOMA has been overturned, we're going to have a good laugh about it, right? Oh boy, how silly was that? Can you believe how uppity people were over a thing like same-sex couples getting the same benefits as heterosexual couples? My goodness, are we are going to look back one day and have a good knee-slapper. How silly everyone was! How ridiculous people were acting! What was wrong with people back then? Our children are going to be appalled that same-sex couples didn't have the same rights as heterosexual couples. Why, it's almost as ridiculous as interracial marriage being illegal! Ha-ha-ha! 

Guess what? In 1958 - a mere fifty-five years ago - interracial marriage was illegal. It was a crime that was punishable by jail time, and this was the case across 24 states. 

That was also the year that Mildred and Richard Loving were arrested in Virginia shortly after their marriage for this very reason. Mildred is black, Richard is white, and they spent nine years trying to get their marriage recognized in their home state. Told through archival footage, interviews and home video, The Loving Story tells the incredible tale of a beautiful couple and their powerful love for one another that went all the way up to the Supreme Court.

At two AM, less than two months after they were married in Washington D.C., the police entered Richard and Mildred's home, ordered them out of bed and placed them under arrest. They were put in jail for a year, but their sentences were suspended under the condition that they leave the state.

Mildred admits that she didn't know that interracial marriage was illegal. She recalls the segregated South, not being allowed to eat in "white only" restaurants, but she'd always seen black people and white people together, and it didn't bother her or anyone she knew. 

Richard and Mildred share a tender moment in their home

After they were released, Richard and Mildred were separated. Mildred went to her parents' house, Richard went to his parents'. Shortly after, they left Virginia and went to Washington, D.C., but they were under the impression that they could come back to Virginia and visit. They were wrong. Once they returned to the state, they were arrested once more.  

In a filmed interview, Richard's mother Lola Loving is surprisingly nonplussed about the whole marriage, saying she's never seen them not happy when they were together. "I like 'em. I like her," she says. "I didn't advise them not to get married." 

Peggy Loving, Richard and Mildred's daughter, recalls that her parents loved to go to drag races, and her father was passionate about building and fixing drag cars. Richard is described by friends as "warm, very friendly...he could blend and mix with any people." Other voices who'd known the Lovings describe the community they lived in as helpful and friendly. No one really cared about what race you were, and everyone helped everyone. 

The Lovings, shortly before their arrest

So what had happened in this utopia that made it all go wrong for Mildred and Richard? 

The local sheriff, that's what. It was well known that he did not get along well with the black community in Caroline County, VA, where the Lovings lived. He was the one who knocked down Richard and Mildred's door in the middle of the night to arrest them, and he was the one who kept trying to bring them back to jail.  

Mildred was unhappy living in Washington D.C., and often went back to Virginia to visit her family. They were allowed to go there separately, but not together. "Knowing them, they probably came back together," Peggy Loving says. Mildred and Richard often had to sneak around when they wanted to come together. Their friends would help them lay low, and they would stay out of public places, mainly spending time with family and keeping close to family homes. 

Mildred and Richard on the porch of the boarding house owned by Mildred's sister Garnet

In 1964, at the height of the Civil Rights movement, Mildred wrote a letter to Robert Kennedy - who was, at the time, the Attorney General of the United States - and told him her story, letting him know how unhappy she was at her plight of not being allowed back to her home state simply because she was married to a white man. He wrote back, suggesting that she contact the American Civil Liberties Union. 

Meanwhile, in the South, we start to see a very aggressive tightening of segregation and a prominence of the KKK in the South. Race issues were becoming a bigger and bigger deal, with more prominence in the media. Coinciding was the Lovings' ongoing battle with the court systems, and the runaround they were given. It wasn't until 1965 that the court of the district of Virginia finally decided that the Lovings could go to the Supreme Court of Appeals. Unfortunately, their ruling was upheld and affirmed, that Richard and Mildred were criminals, guilt of interracial marriage, which is considered just as heinous as incestual marriage. Of course, they appealed this decision again to the US Supreme Court. Richard and Mildred were flabbergasted that this was going so far. They did not attend the proceedings in Washington, D.C. but a statement was read on Richard's behalf: "Just tell the court that I love my wife."

Then, in June 1967, the US Supreme Court unanimously deemed that interracial marriage was considered 100% legal in every state. Those states that had laws against interracial marriage must revoke them immediately. The ruling read as follows: 

Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the state. These convictions must be revered. It is so ordered. 

And just like that, Mildred and Richard were "free". 

The Lovings at a press conference following the Supreme Court ruling

After nine years, they were finally able to move back to Virginia with their children, and not have to worry about being arrested. They could go out in their hometown, hold hands, visit family and friends, without wondering who was going to break down the door and drag them away. Just like that. 

I thought that among the celebrating of DOMA being overturned, we should take a moment to thank the Lovings and honor their bravery, determination and devotion to their cause and one another. Because I feel in a way, Robert and Mildred Loving's fight to their right to marry paved the way for not only other interracial couples, but for same-sex couples as well.  

Our country is moving at a slow pace, "the wheels of justice grind slowly", but we know from the case of the Lovings that, one day, we will see equal rights for all. So while DOMA coming off the table is a step in the right direction, it does not mean the fight is over. Someday soon, we can hope to see that this:

will one day be as legal as this

In Loving Memory of Richard (1933-1975) and Mildred (1939-2008)

"God Is the Bigger Elvis"

God Is the Bigger Elvis, 2011

Dir.: Rebecca Cammisa

Prod.: Sheila Nevins, Julie Anderson, Rebecca Cammisa

A few months ago, my best friend Meredith allowed me to use her HBOGO account, and I couldn't thank her enough. HBOGO is like Hulu, except it is exclusively HBO programming - movies, series, and, of course, documentaries. One of the first things I did when I gained HBOGO access was scope out their documentaries section, and boy oh boy did I have a field day. The one that grabbed my attention first was the Oscar nominated short documentary God Is the Bigger Elvis, which had a screen cap of a smiling nun, her arms outstretched, Julie Andrews-style.

First of all, what an awesome title. Second, I think nuns are great. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe that's due to my early love of The Sound of Music, maybe it's because my mother took me to see Sister Act when it first came out in theaters, maybe it's because those calendars of "Nuns Having Fun" crack me up. 

It was all fun and games until Sister Ruth rear-ended the Mother Superior

Whatever the reason, I think nun culture is fascinating. I mean, these women give up everything - their families, their social lives, their fashion tastes - to serve God. They come from so many different backgrounds, but all came together for their mutual love of God. It's a pretty groovy thing, if you ask me.


Though only a half-hour long, God Is the Bigger Elvis manages to tell a beautiful, moving story – one of Dolores Hart, an actress from the '50s and '60s who had performed alongside the biggest heartthrobs of the day: Montgomery Clift, Cary Grant, Marlon Brando, Warren Beatty, and yes, the King himself. In her mid-twenties, she gave it all up, broke off her engagement, and became a nun at the Abbey of Regina Laudis in Bethlehem, Connecticut - an enclosed Benedictine monastery and working farm. It's the only one of its kind in the United States.

Now known as Mother Prioress Dolores Hart, she still currently resides there, one of 36 nuns who follow strict Benedictine guidelines. They pray and sing 7 times a day, observe 3 periods of silence a day, and work on the farm. Mother Prioress takes appointments to speak to people who come to the monastery about their suffering, and help them find hope in dismal situations. She also enjoys bird watching, listening to opera and spending time with her African Grey parrot, Toby. She also spends time personally answering fan mail that she still receives daily.

Dolores was a blonde, blue-eyed bombshell back in her day. She was nineteen years old when she was offered a seven year studio contract. She acted in ten films, including Loving You, Lonelyhearts and Where the Boys Are. Dolores has zero regrets about quitting her acting career. “I never felt I was leaving Hollywood. I never felt I was leaving anything that I was given. The abbey was like a grace of God that just entered my life in a way that was totally unexpected, and God was the vehicle,” she pauses here and gives a big smile. “He was the bigger Elvis.”

Her first encounter with the Abbey came when she was acting on a show on Broadway in the late fifties. Dolores was experiencing fatigue, and a friend suggested she go to the Abbey to recuperate. Hesitant at first, she soon fell in love with the peacefulness of it all. During her time there, she met with the Reverend Mother. 

“The concern that I had was that it was wrong as a Catholic to be in the movies because, sexually, you could be aroused by boys and you could get involved sexually with men…and the leading star was Elvis. She said, ‘Well, why not? You’re a girl! Chastity doesn’t mean that you don’t appreciate what God created. Chastity says, ‘Use it well.’ I came away with a sense of peace.”

After she returned from the abbey, Dolores became engaged to Don Robinson, a young architect. To my delight, Don Robinson is interviewed in this documentary. He speaks nothing but kind words about Dolores. In the midst of planning a wedding and building a house and a life together, on the night of their engagement party in 1963, Dolores tells Don she does not want to get married. She was going to Regina Laudis to take her vows.

God Is the Bigger Elvis also interviews other nuns that live alongside Dolores Hart, offering perspective of her as a Mother Prioress and the pillar she is to her abbey. One of the most terrific things about Dolores Hart is that she truly is a wonderful woman – you can absolutely see why Hollywood was mad for her. Though she is no longer the blonde pinup model she was in 1960, her charm and wit shines through, even though she is dressed in a nun’s habit. She has a smile and a kind word for everyone. 

The best part about this documentary was that I smiled the entire time I watched it. If you have a half hour to spare and are looking for a great, fuzzy documentary filled with nuns having fun, try to get your hands on God Is the Bigger Elvis.

"Steal a Pencil For Me"

Steal a Pencil For Me, 2007

Dir.: Michele Ohayon

Prod.: Bryan O'Brien, Michele Ohayon, Theo van de Sande, Ted Sarandos, Jos van der Linden

"I'm a very special Holocaust survivor," proudly proclaims 93-year-old Jaap "Jack" Polak. "I was in the camps with my wife and my girlfriend; and believe me it wasn't easy."

Thus begins the romantic documentary of quite possibly one of the best and most unconventional love stories I have ever heard or seen on screen: the story of Jack and Ina Polak. At the time of the filming of this documentary, the happy couple, currently residing in New York City, were about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.

As a Jew, I have a, shall we say, morbid fascination with World War II history, especially the Holocaust era. I am very fortunate that no one in my family had to live through the camps or experience Nazi occupation. However, I have always been drawn to this particular time in history. It's about the triumph of the human spirit, the determination to not roll over and die. Steal a Pencil For Me has both of these themes, along with stunning visuals and touching interviews with Ina, Jack and their friends, as well as beautiful narration taken from the letters Ina and Jack wrote to each other during the war. It's enough to make you sigh with longing.

In pre-war Amsterdam, Jack was an accountant. He fell in love with Ina, a diamond dealer's young daughter, at first sight when they met at a party. He wanted to marry her, but the problem was ... he was already married. He tried to divorce his wife Manja in 1941, but she said she did not want to. They were unhappy, but neither of them wanted to be alone.

This completely took me aback. I hadn't known going into this documentary that Jack was a married man, carrying on an affair with a woman nearly ten years his junior! This was about to get very, very interesting.

Director Michele Ohayon follows Jack and Ina's stories, painfully similar to others I have heard about this time period: they were dragged from their homes by Nazi officers, threatened with guns, their belongings were ransacked or sold. They were forbidden to own bicycles and radios. Ina recounts hearing about her neighbors committing suicide rather than be overtaken by the Nazis.

In July of 1943, Jack and his wife Manja were deported to Westerbork transit camp in Holland. Ina and her parents arrive two months later. Upon discovering this, Jack goes directly to the housing authority of Westerbork and asks to be placed in the same barracks as Ina - along with his wife.

This is either the smartest or dumbest man on Earth, I thought to myself. This is just asking for trouble.

"He won my heart by sheer persistence," says Ina with a smile. Even in her eighties, Ina is still a beautiful woman with apple cheeks and curly hair. She describes fondly how she and Jack would hold hands and take walks at night in Westerbork, until curfew. However, Ina kept her affair with Jack a secret from her parents, and she was concerned about hurting Manja. So, in order to keep their love a secret, they began writing letters to one another - beautiful, lyrical letters that professed their undying love for one another, how they would survive the war and be together forever. Jack would always address his letters to Ina with, "My dear little lady", and Ina would sign all of hers with "many kisses." Ina's sister would be their messenger, carrying the letters back and forth.

It seems as though every time I watch a Holocaust documentary, I learn something new. For example, in Steal a Pencil For Me, I learned what made the Westerbork transit camp unique. First off, a transit camp was, at first, a refugee camp for Dutch Jews trying to escape the Nazi regime. However, the inevitable happened - the Nazis took over, and turned Westerbork into a deportation camp. Basically, this is where Jews waited to be transported by train to either Auschwitz, Sobibor, Bergen-Belsen or Theresienstadt. What made Westerbork unique was, they had the modern conveniences. There was a sports arena, a hospital and very good schools. On Tuesday nights there was a cabaret. Those who taught at the school were Jewish teachers and professors who could no longer teach at public schools and universities. The doctors in the Westerbork hospital were Jews who were no longer allowed to practice in hospitals. This was all an illusion, however. Though the Jews who were interred at Westerbork were given all of this so that they would believe that Westerbork was not a bad place.

During a visit to Holland shortly before their anniversary, Jack and Ina visit Westerbork, which is now a memorial site and a museum, open to the public. While there, Jack encounters a group of Dutch schoolchildren on a class trip and takes a moment to share his wisdom and perspective on the Holocaust. He tells them there is no difference between a Jew and a non-Jew, a white man or a black man. "We are all born the same, we all die the same," he adds. 

Back in 1943, Jack and his wife Manja were deported from Westerbork to Bergen-Belsen. Three months later, Ina's name appears on a list to go to Auschwitz. However, at the last minute, her father pulls some strings and she is sent to Bergen-Belsen instead.

This is where Jack and Ina's letters take very dark turns. The flowery language is gone. Jack refers to himself as an "old man, getting older". Ina describes hunger pains, the misery of being unclean.  

While Jack is sent to do hard labor, Ina gets a job in one of the S.S. offices, taking minutes and German shorthand. This job kept her and Jack in paper and pencils so that they could keep writing their letters - at this point, these letters were keeping them alive. It gave them something to live for.

This is what I love about stories like this. Jack and Ina's love kept them alive. It was a little hard at first for me to accept this love, because, after all, Jack is still married. Manja is still alive, in the camps with Ina and Ina's sister. But the way they are so tender to one another in their letters, there is still a tiny spark of hope between the lines. Jack promises that they will get through this together, Ina suggests that they might move to America and start a new life. Despite all of the suffering around them, they still have a beautiful positive outlook on life, and are still deeply in love. It's incredibly admirable.

In 1945, when it was rumored that liberation was imminent, Jack and Ina exchanged their letters, so that they would both have the letters written by their own hand. This was Ina's idea, in case anything happened, and they would exchange them back once they were reunited. When the camps are liberated in April of 1945, the camp survivors were put on transit trains. Jack's train went East. Ina's train went to the West. They did not know where they were headed or if they would ever see each other again.

I was literally holding my breath the entire last few minutes of this documentary. It was obvious that both Ina and Jack survived, but I was dying to know how they'd found each other (of course, I will not spoil this ending for anyone who wishes to see the whole thing!).

Jack and Manja divorced, and then Jack married Ina. As of 2006, they have been married for 60 years. Together they have 3 children, 5 grandchilden and 2 great-grandchildren. In 2000, Jack and Ina's daughter Margrit published her parents' letters. Personally, I can't wait to track down the book - which is also titled Steal a Pencil For Me.

I really adored this documentary. Jack and Ina are the embodiment of Holocaust survival. Their love for one another them through one of the worst times in history. They had hope, they had faith, and they had each other. They persevered. Though at times their relationship was a bit hard to swallow, it being an affair, it's just too sweet to resist.