"Trembling Before G-d"

Trembling Before G-d, 2001

Dir.: Sandi Simcha Dubowski

Prod.: Sandi Simcha Dubowski, Philippa Kowarsky, Marc Smolowitz, James Velaise

Leah and Malka have been together for ten years. They met while in high school, in Brooklyn. They moved to Miami where they have a beautifully supportive relationship. Leah and Malka are also Orthodox Jews, and every day struggle with their love for God and their love for each other.

As a Reform Jew myself, I was intrigued by this documentary. I had not had any experiences with the Hasidic or Orthodox community, but my fiance Matthew had.

Matthew was raised in what I like to all a "religiously neutral" home. He is the product of a Catholic mother and a Jewish father. Ironically, while his older sister was confirmed into the Catholic faith, Matthew decided, when we became engaged, he would convert to Judaism. The Orthodox community, it turns out, does not accept Reform converts as true Jews, and often shun them. Matthew had a very unfortunate run-in with an Orthodox rabbi when he called to inquire about a mikvah (ritual bath for spiritual cleansing).

Matthew was very upset. He called his sponsoring rabbi, who soothed his worries and explained to him that, like most religions, Hasidic and Orthodox Judaism has, unfortunately, its own set of biases and prejudices - not just the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) community. It has a long history of sexism as well, which we are fortunately moving out of. But with the LGBTQ community has been coming more and more into the forefront, and the people in  that community do the only thing they can do: turn to the Talmud (the Torah).

In "Trembling Before G-d", director Sandi Simcha Dubowski travels from Los Angeles to New York to Jerusalem to examine not only the lives of gays and lesbians who are Orthodox and Hasidic, their ups and downs, their struggles, but the Jewish laws that are against this lifestyle and how the times are (very, very) slowly changing to accomodate them. Not all of those interviewed agreed to show their faces on camera. Some are shown in silhouette, others have their faces blurred. Dubowski interviews rabbis who are against homosexuality at all costs, rabbis who are gay themselves, gay Orthodox men, lesbian Orthodox women, and psychotherapists who are Orthodox.

It's no secret to anyone what the Bible says about homosexuality. Leviticus states that man shall not lie with man and it is an abomination. Rabbi Steve Greenberg, the first openly gay Orthodox rabbi, is trying to re-examine the Talmud and make the Orthodox community more accepting and open to gays and lesbians. "I want Orthodox parents to say, 'There are other ways to read the Torah - let's learn."

We meet David, from Los Angeles, a gay Orthodox man who came out as a teenager and struggled with his sexuality his entire life, and hoped therapy would "change" him. He tries hard to accept the fact that he will never have children through marriage.

We meet Malki from Boro Park, New York, a woman who is convinced she is the only Hasidic lesbian in the world because she has never met another. She entered into a marriage of convenience with another man, because she didn't want to lose her family. When they evenutally divorced, "my ex husband was very understanding. He knew it wasn’t a marriage made in heaven. I think my parents probably even knew. I don’t know if they knew what was going to happen when I got divorced. I feel like I am an outsider…there’s no place for me there."

We meet Israel, a Brooklynite, a gay man who has all but renounced his Orthodox faith and has been shunned by his family. “I know I live in my faith," he explains. "I don’t know what that faith is. I don’t know what God is. I certainly know it’s not the God that tells me I shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t do that…that’s not the God that redeemed Israel out of Egypt, that’s not the God that stood by me.”

We meet Mark, a Londoner and a gay, HIV-positive, Orthodox man who was kicked out of several yeshivas (religious schools) for his gay activities, and sent to Jerusalem as a teenager by his father and his rabbi where there were "no gay people". "Big mistake," Mark says impishly, "because that's where I came out." Footage follows of Mark dressing in drag and performing at gay pride rallies, alternated with shots of him praying in yeshiva and singing religious songs with his friends.

And, as previously mentioned, we meet "Malka" and "Leah". Leah explains that they refused to give up their Orthodox practices and beliefs once they began their relationship - instead, it was their duty to make them stronger. They refused to be shown on camera, but even with their faces obscured, it is very obvious that they are deeply in love with one another, as well as being religious and having a close relationship with God. At one point, Malka is counseling a young Orthodox woman over the phone, one who was forced into marriage at seventeen and is carrying on an affair with another woman: “Why do you feel that being gay takes you away from God?" she implores. "You’re going crazy and you have no where to turn. Maybe turn to God and he can help you. You’re not lost…God is there for you! Maybe you need to knock on the door a little but God is always there for you to talk to – no appointments, no waiting, anytime 24/7.”

Malka and Leah's passion for God and for one another is very touching and, to me, completely makes the point of Dubowski's film. The way they hold each other's hands during their interviews, the way they constantly remind one another how lucky they are to be in one another's life - the way Leah holds Malka in her arms as she sobs over the fact her parents wanted nothing to do with her when she came out to them. It makes you wonder how anyone could think this love is wrong. Orthodox or not, Leah and Malka are like any other couple. They eat, sleep and pray together, they observe the holidays together, they are devoted to one another, and they are devoted to God. How could they be anything but a model couple? How could someone look at this beautiful, spiritual couple and condemn them? I was almost angry by this thought! Infuriated! Frustrated!

However, Dubowski does not end on a sour note. He concludes the film with the following epilogue:

In New York, for over 25 years, Orthodox and Hasidic gay men have devoted themselves to studying Jewish law in a weekly Talmud group.
Now, underground gay and lesbian groups such as The Gay and Lesbian Yeshiva Day School Alumni Association and the Orthodykes meet in New York, Jerusalem, London, Los Angeles, Miami and on the Internet.

I honestly enjoyed "Trembling Before G-d". Not only am I a Jew, I am an LGBTQ ally. I believe in the right to love, the right to marry, the right to practice freely. "Trembling Before G-d" was such an interesting look at a side of my own religion that I had never really explored before.

You don't need to be a Jew or even very religious to appreciate the beauty of Dubowski's work in "Trembling Before G-d". You just have to be open, accepting, and understand that though it seems like some people are stubborn and biased, they are very slowly accepting.